If You Are Worried About Someone Experiencing So-Called "Honour-Based" Abuse
It can be difficult to know what to do if you are worried that a friend, colleague, student, family member or someone you know is experiencing abuse, coercion or control linked to family, cultural or community expectations.
You may feel concerned, uncertain or worried about saying the wrong thing.
Your support could make an important difference.
Many people experiencing so-called honour-based abuse feel isolated and may be frightened about speaking openly about what is happening.
Knowing that someone cares and is willing to listen can be incredibly valuable.
Understanding So-Called Honour-Based Abuse
So-called honour-based abuse is a form of abuse used to control, punish or pressure someone who is perceived to have brought shame, embarrassment or dishonour to their family or community.
There is nothing honourable about abuse.
It may involve:
- Emotional abuse
- Threats or intimidation
- Coercive control
- Isolation from friends or support networks
- Monitoring of movements, communications or relationships
- Restrictions on education, work or social activities
- Physical violence
- Sexual violence
- Financial control
- Pressure relating to relationships, marriage, faith or lifestyle choices
Sometimes multiple family or community members may be involved.
Think
Are They in Immediate Danger?
If someone is in immediate danger or has been seriously injured, call 999 (or 112 from a mobile phone).
If there are concerns that someone may be at risk of violence, forced marriage, abduction or being taken abroad against their wishes, seek urgent advice.
Do not assume someone else's safety is being managed by another person.
Take Concerns Seriously
Individuals experiencing honour-based abuse may:
- minimise what is happening;
- appear conflicted about seeking help;
- defend the people involved;
- be fearful of consequences;
- worry about bringing shame upon their family;
- fear losing important relationships.
It is important not to dismiss concerns because the individual appears reluctant to seek support.
Talk
Listen Without Judgement
If someone chooses to speak to you:
- Listen carefully.
- Remain calm.
- Take their concerns seriously.
- Avoid blaming or criticising them.
- Allow them to share as much or as little as they wish.
You do not need to have all the answers.
Often, being listened to respectfully is the most important first step.
Avoid Making Assumptions
Every situation is different.
Avoid assuming:
- what someone should do;
- how they feel about their family;
- what support they want;
- what role culture, faith or community may play.
Instead, focus on understanding their experiences and concerns.
Ask What They Need
You might ask:
"How can I best support you right now?"
or
"Would it help to explore what support is available?"
Giving someone choice and control can be particularly important where they have experienced coercion or control.
Important Safety Advice
Do Not Attempt Mediation
If you suspect honour-based abuse:
- Do not contact family members.
- Do not arrange family meetings.
- Do not attempt to mediate.
- Do not share information without careful consideration of risks.
Unlike some other situations, involving family members can significantly increase risk.
If you are unsure, seek safeguarding advice before taking action.
Respect Confidentiality – But Don't Carry It Alone
Someone may ask you to keep what they have shared entirely secret.
Whilst it is important to respect privacy, there may be situations where somebody is at risk of significant harm.
If you are concerned about someone's safety, seek advice from safeguarding professionals.
Where possible, explain openly what you are doing and why.
Report
Report + Support
Students and staff can raise concerns through the University's Report + Support system.
Reports can be made:
- Anonymously
- As a request for support
- On behalf of concerns relating to another person
An adviser can discuss available options and support pathways.
Safeguarding Support
If you are worried about someone's safety, wellbeing or risk of abuse, the University's Safeguarding Team can provide advice and support.
You do not need proof before seeking advice.
It is always appropriate to seek guidance if you are worried.
Supporting Yourself
Supporting someone experiencing abuse can be emotionally difficult.
You may feel:
- worried;
- frustrated;
- upset;
- powerless;
- unsure what to do.
These reactions are normal.
Remember:
- You are not responsible for fixing the situation.
- You are not expected to be an expert.
- You can seek advice and support yourself.
Supporting someone is important, but so is looking after your own wellbeing.
Get Support
Encourage Professional Support
If appropriate, encourage the person to access:
- University support services
- Safeguarding support
- Mental Health and Wellbeing services
- Specialist external organisations
Try not to pressure them into taking action before they are ready, unless there is an immediate risk to safety.
Remember
People experiencing so-called honour-based abuse may face difficult and complex choices.
They may feel torn between their own safety and maintaining important family or community relationships.
Your role is not to solve the problem for them.
Your role is to:
- listen;
- believe;
- support;
- encourage access to help;
- seek advice where there are safeguarding concerns.
By responding with compassion, patience and understanding, you can play an important role in helping someone feel less alone and more able to access the support they deserve.