Understanding the Difference Between Personal Choice, Conflict and Harmful Behaviour
Not everyone will get along with everyone else.
Within a university community, people form friendships, professional relationships, study groups and social networks based on shared interests, experiences and circumstances.
Individuals are not required to be friends with everyone, and people have the right to choose who they spend their time with.
However, there are occasions when exclusion moves beyond personal choice and becomes behaviour that may be harmful, inappropriate or bullying.
Understanding the difference is important.
Not Every Exclusion Is Bullying
There are many situations where someone may feel left out but bullying is not occurring.
Examples may include:
- friendship groups forming naturally;
- colleagues choosing to spend time together outside work;
- students working with existing friendship groups;
- differences in personality or interests;
- professional decisions based on legitimate operational needs.
Feeling excluded can still be upsetting.
However, being left out does not automatically mean someone is being bullied.
What Is Bullying?
Bullying is offensive, intimidating, malicious or insulting behaviour involving the misuse of power that can make someone feel vulnerable, upset, humiliated, undermined or threatened.
When exclusion is used deliberately to isolate, punish, control or undermine another person, it may become bullying.
Warning Signs That Exclusion May Be Bullying
Exclusion may become a concern where it is:
Deliberate
The behaviour appears intentional rather than accidental or incidental.
Repeated
It occurs consistently over time rather than as a one-off event.
Targeted
One individual is singled out.
Harmful
The purpose or effect is to isolate, undermine or disadvantage the person.
Organised or Encouraged
Others are encouraged to participate in the exclusion.
Student Examples
Example 1
A group of friends socialise together outside lectures and do not invite every member of their course.
This is unlikely to constitute bullying.
People are entitled to choose their friendships.
Example 2
Following a disagreement, students deliberately refuse to speak to a classmate, remove them from group communications and encourage others not to engage with them.
This may constitute bullying, victimisation or ostracism.
Example 3
A student raises a concern through a University process.
Afterwards, they are deliberately excluded from group activities and social events because they reported the issue.
This may constitute victimisation.
Staff Examples
Example 1
A team member is not invited to a social event organised privately by colleagues outside working hours.
Whilst disappointing, this would not normally constitute bullying.
Example 2
A member of staff is deliberately excluded from meetings, denied information needed to perform their role and isolated from team discussions.
This may constitute bullying or victimisation.
Example 3
A colleague acts as a witness during an investigation.
Following this, other colleagues stop speaking to them and actively discourage others from engaging with them.
This may constitute victimisation and bullying.
The Impact of Social Exclusion
Research consistently shows that social exclusion can have a significant impact on:
- wellbeing;
- confidence;
- engagement;
- performance;
- sense of belonging.
Even where exclusion is not intended to cause harm, leaders, managers and students should remain mindful of the impact their actions may have on others.
Questions to Ask Yourself
If you are concerned about exclusion, consider:
Is this a one-off event or a repeated pattern?
Is there evidence that I am being deliberately excluded?
Has my treatment changed following a complaint, disclosure or disagreement?
Am I being denied access to information, opportunities or activities that are necessary for my role or studies?
Would a reasonable observer view the behaviour as fair?
Is the behaviour affecting my ability to participate in university life?
The Role of Bystanders
Sometimes exclusionary behaviour becomes normalised because others do not challenge it.
If you witness someone being deliberately isolated or excluded, consider:
- checking in with them;
- encouraging inclusive behaviour;
- challenging exclusion respectfully where appropriate;
- seeking advice if concerns persist.
Creating an inclusive culture is everyone's responsibility.
For Managers and Academic Staff
Managers and academic staff should be particularly alert to:
- team isolation;
- exclusion from meetings;
- exclusion from learning opportunities;
- retaliation following complaints;
- patterns of social or professional isolation.
Early intervention can often prevent concerns from escalating.
What Can I Do?
Talk
Discuss your concerns with someone you trust.
Seek Advice
Support is available whether you are directly affected or supporting somebody else.
Report
Concerns relating to bullying, victimisation, harassment or exclusion can be raised through Report + Support.
Access Support
Wellbeing and support services are available for both students and staff.
Remember
People are not required to be friends with everyone.
They are expected to treat others with dignity, respect and professionalism.
The difference between ordinary social choices and bullying often lies in intent, pattern, impact and whether exclusion is being used to isolate, punish, undermine or disadvantage another person.
A healthy university community allows people to belong, contribute and participate without fear of deliberate exclusion or retaliation.